Thursday, March 29, 2012

Button's Belly Button

I prefer to surround myself with people that I find intellectually stimulating.  I am going to introduce you to one of these people.  Please meet my dear friend, Button.


When Button and I are not having deep, analytical conversations about really super intellectual topics, we are usually telling each other stories about ridiculous and/or embarrassing things that have happened to us since we have last seen each other.  You see, awkward and potentially shameful things happen to Button on a regular basis.  That's right.  I am not the only one.  We like to have weekly lunches because it makes us feel good about ourselves and because our tales of misfortune would add up too quickly if we met only on, say, a bi-weekly basis.  There is one story of Button's, in particular, that I love.  If I'm feeling blue, I make Button tell me the story.  When I introduce Button to new people, I usually make her tell them the story.  Heck, I tell the story to strangers on the Internet.  (That's you.) 



Button was born with an outie belly button.  Inconveniently, in the very center of her little distended navel was a small mole.  Maybe it was simply a freckle.  We should really refer to it as a freckle.  The word "mole" triggers my gag reflex. 

Everyone in Button's family had cute little innies.  All her friends had cute little innies.  When all these cute little innie buttoned friends turned 18, rebelled and got their navels pierced, Button wanted to do the same so she had the protruding center pierced straight through.

Button's unusual piercing made Button unique and she was proud of it.  It was a conversation starter.  It also helped hide the mole, er, I mean freckle. 







You might be surprised how many people DO want to see an interesting belly button.  

One day, about five years after Button got her navel pierced, it started to hurt.  Button thought the pain would eventually subside so she waited a while.  She felt a smidge silly going to the doctor because of belly button pain.  Button's discomfort didn't go away so she eventually decided that a visit to the doctor was necessary. 






Button was immediately taken into emergency surgery to fix her lifelong hernia, which had been swelling outwards from her navel cavity and stabbed with a decorative hoop.

Button is now the proud owner of a cute little innie belly button, sans mole freckle.  She has allowed it to remain pierce free. 

32 comments:

  1. HAHAHAHHAHA this is possibly the greatest story ever. How did no other doctor catch that? Like during a routine physical?!

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    1. Good question. I will have to ask her. I mean, we always assumed it was just an outie....

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  2. I had to cringe at the thought of having a belly button pierced, only to then discover it was a hernia. Ouch!

    -Barb the French Bean

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    1. I can't imagine that it felt nice. I think the same of having pierced a hernia was probably more painful, though.

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  3. Note to self: Visit the doctor before piercing anything. Thanks for the tip!

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    1. You are welcome. I'm glad I could help. : )

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  4. Sounds like the NEXT BIG THING: Pierce your organs! Discount if they are disguised as an outie!

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    1. Heh heh! I can't wait for Button to read the comments. : )

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  5. OMG! that's awesome and hilarious!
    also, whenever i visit your blog, i always think the red circles look like boobs.

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    1. Well, that is because they are boobs. Actually someone else complained *anonymously* that the background gives them headaches...so I may change it.

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    2. No more boobs...Sad day. We will try the blue for a bit. What do you think?

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  6. That's hilarious. And disturbing. I think I'd make your friend repeat that story over and over too.

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    1. Many people have said it is disturbing. Yet, why does it always put a smile on my face?

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  7. Holy Disturbing-funny Story, Batman! (and now I'm going to go home and watch Batman just for saying that.)

    Wow. Just...wow. That ending! I just never saw it coming!

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    1. I don't think anyone saw it coming...I mean, she'd had the "belly button" her whole life.

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  8. Bahaha! Oh no. This is hilarious. But seriously...how did NO ONE ever notice her hernia before?

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    1. I have no idea. It looked like an outie and until the pain started, I guess there was no reason to investigate.

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  9. Oh my God. I am dying. This just absolutely tickles me. That is not the end I was expecting at all, which is why I think it got me so badly. Oh man. Funny stuff.

    My best friend and I are like this! We are so much alike and the craziest and most weirdly embarrassing things happen to us both. We need to catch up often to regale each other with our stories! Though now I do have a blog outlet for that, which is nice...

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  10. Hahahahaha! But there's probably a badassness in there somewhere. You know, having a hernia pierced? I mean, right?

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  11. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaah hilarity! Button... you are a legend. :)

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    1. I bet she is in that doctor's office too.

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  12. i dont know whether to laugh or stand there with my mouth open from shock. so maybe i'll do both?

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  13. I very much like your stories. Or. . . Button's story in this case. Love the illustrations, and the writing. High five!

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    1. High Fives make my day! My motto is "High Fives are free, if you're coming to me!" Thanks for reading!

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  14. Haha! Awesome ending! Love the blog girly!

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  15. I am dying! This is possibly the best story I've EVER heard :) I would totally make her tell that every single time ever. "Would like fries with that?" "Yes, and please ask Button about her belly button, thank you."

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    1. It is a great story, and that is pretty much how our lunch dates go. : )

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  16. Just found your blog through Happy or Hungry and DIED laughing at this post. I literally choked on the grape I was eating when I read the captions for the last two pics and then laughed for about 2 minutes solid. Thank you!!

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  17. brother of zeke matthewAugust 22, 2012 at 8:12 PM

    ew that sounds gross

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