Cousin recently told Manfriend and I that she met a guy at a party the night before who she thought was really witty, but she didn't know how dateable he was. She thought he may or may not be a sloppy eater as he had a large stain on the front of his shirt. I understand her concern. Cousin and I were taught that we are to keep our lips properly positioned over our plates so as not to slop all over ourselves.
He told Cousin that she should call him. Cousin was coy and told him that he should call her. He took her number and then immediately called her so she had his number on her caller ID. Tricky. Now the ball was not only in his court, as Cousin had wanted. They also added each other to Facebook. I find this odd. College students whip out their phones and add each other to Facebook now, right then and there.
Naturally, being the stalker that I am, I made her pull him up on Facebook on her phone. By the way, my Facebook flirting may not be up to par with the college crowd, but I can stalk with the best of them. If you have a Facebook account, I already know everything about you, your friends, your family and your dog. By the way, my dog is cuter.
Cousin waited. No texts. No calls. No Facebook messages. Cousin was disappointed, especially since Manfriend and I had confirmed that although one in the relationship may have poor eating habits, that person could still have the potential to be rather charming. With a little work, Party Boy could learn to keep his lips over his plate and perhaps refrain from slopping his dinner onto the front of his shirt. I imagine with Valentine's Day being last week, Cousin may have been a touch sentimental, as well as extremely dramatic (seriously, one could hardly guess that we are related. I do not know where she gets it...), and I assured her that she was not an ugly duckling and he was simply busy. We decided that maybe it wouldn't hurt for Cousin to give Party Boy a nudge.
The following conversation is to illustrate how much thought a girl has to put into a simple text message, as opposed to a boy who would probably simply text "What r u doin?" Don't even get me started on text grammar.
Cousin on Valentine's Day: I want flowers and someone to love me. And a text message from Party Boy. (little stomp of her dramatic foot....)
Me: Wait a day and text him something you talked about. Then never text him again unless he starts texting you regularly.
Cousin: I was thinking I could "like" his picture on Facebook. I don't even know what I would text him.
Me: Did shared jokes happen?
Cousin: Yeah, but nothing that really sticks out. He said something about snowboarding and being official Facebook friends. I could say, "Hey, so now that we are official Facebook friends, I can see you weren't kidding about loving any sport that uses a 'board'." I don't know....could be dumb. I feel like he would have texted if he was interested.
Me: I say give it a shot and if the shot is not successful, then don't contact him again. The worst thing that could happen is that he doesn't reply.
Cousin: Do you think what I proposed to say was dumb? I'm not sure what else to say.
Me: Well, it was clear you were searching for something to say. What about "Now that we are Facebook friends, I thought I'd say hi" on his wall?
Cousin: Oh yes, that is good, and then it sounds like I don't live on Facebook as much as it did when I was pointing out his pictures. Do it tomorrow?
Me: Yeah, not Valentine's day. It would seem like a sad Valentine's comment.
I will save you from the rest of the conversation. You get the picture. Before Cousin decided to text or Facebook Party Boy, she went on to check her Facebook account and noticed that her friend request to Party Boy's sister had been accepted.
I received this text message from Cousin.
"OMG I ACCIDENTALLY ADDED THAT KID'S SISTER ON FACEBOOK!!!!!!! She accepted my friend request and I unfriended her immediately this is so embarrassing idk how the hell that happened. hahahahahahhaahaha I can never text him. OMG I am creepy. OMG."
And this one shortly after. I had yet to respond because I was rolling on my office floor, laughing.
"I want to jump off a building. This kid obviously thinks I'm crazy because I'm sure his sister asked who I was. OMG. Tell Manfriend. I hate myself. What am I supposed to write now? Since you, me and your sister are officially Facebook friends now, I thought I would say hi? It is all over. No hope for me."
It was later figured out that I, Cousin's professional dating advisor, was actually the one who added Party Boy's sister on Facebook during the examination that Manfriend and I did of his profile. Yet another reason that I am old and embarrassing. I am sorry, Cousin. There are so many more fish in the sea.